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13 Sep 2020

I_Residency: Projects created by Ana Kordzaia-Samadashvili during isolation

R.I.P., Lucia!


I thought she died ages ago. Oh, what did you tell me! She was the most beautiful, wasn’t she? Rome 11:00, some girl has a run on the stockings, and things like this. And that engine driver too, ain’t it? The one was old and best of all. No, he was dismissed because of his age, or something of a kind.

Why, how can it be? First, you’re the most beautiful girl, then you grow old and then flu kills you. But, what do you want? This one at least has a decent name – you die crowned. I was nearly killed by swine flu, what a piggy business… I don’t even remember, how I felt. I just unbolted the door: they shall be able to open it if I die, I thought...

What – man?

Well, I am really interested: this will end, and what then? I met him, okay, in this muzzle I look okay, appearance valid. Two-week quarantine. Separately, or what did you think?! And then shall I ask for the certificate, or he shall ask, or how it’s gonna happen at all? That’s exactly what I mean. And then they start inquiring, how, where from, what, what it’s like? I’ll have a cluster named after me. How unlucky one should be to have said ‘feeder’ and ‘cluster’ in his life. When sometimes you had to put a condom and now you must put a muzzle into your pocket. This is not a facemask, even I know that much Georgian. I preferred feeder, honestly… darkness can be good at moments. In some cases. Little darkness, little cold. Worn sneakers.

Tell me, please, where she died, at home or at care facility? I wish it were home, ain’t it? Yes, okay, look it up, won’t you? I am very sorry too.

And you shouldn’t smoke so much, it will wear you down.

As my mother would say, this is the comfort of beggars and obedience of elderly. Obedient old living in the beggar’s comfort. How do you like this?

Come on. I don’t want at all. I don’t want underage and pensioners. It’s okay if there won’t be any. It’s really unfairest thing. The law of gravitation.

Just so, I think, how lucky I am that I’ve never been beauty, or I wouldn’t be able to withstand all this. Poor Lucia Bose… how unfair it is. Why, really, isn’t it? I can’t even look at pictures taken ten years ago, and I can imagine, what she would be feeling. And finally – here you are. I don’t know. Not from flu for sure. Probably, put against the wall, and when they ask about my last wish or something like that, now I’m thinking: shall I smoke or sing? Look into your eyes... I'm Helpless! They will immediately open the fire!

And that’s right. We shall swerve. We swerve so much, but, still, look at this, the breast you were proud of – and it’s like spaniel’s ears now… what do you want, you know this, but nobody else can guess, you still have hair like mane and so beautiful. I don’t know, it will end, won’t it? And can you imagine if the opening sees you bold? Will it be alright? What’s the man to do with this? I won’t walk beside you if you’ll turn bold and ugly. Yes, I have dyed, but I think it is too motley on the back. I can’t see it.

Why… I thought she died ages ago. I did not even remember her for so many years. Just how beautiful she was.

Yeah, yeah. Me too. Kisses. Yes, sure. So long.

. . .

No, I’m not sleeping.

What, you’ve got nothing else to do?

I don’t feel like crying, I am crying. It will pass, of course. Nobody sees me right now anyway, from nine to nine, so let me cry, what do you care?

I know, you think. But I am really in a deep shit and what can I do?

Just like this, man? One cannot act like this, can he? He will stand in the middle of the road… and the form matters too. He should have said something, I don’t know, anything at all. I fell in love with somebody else, I don’t like you anymore… what, would I be surprised or what? And just like this, well, I don’t know.

Does it make any sense, does it matter will I speak or not? Don’t you worry. At other times, it would be easier to switch my attention to something else, or – what else. What’s the difference? It will pass. I believe.

I beg you, don’t get across me now, okay? Go ahead, tell me ‘strong woman’ and something of a kind. Maybe I will throw up. What? Yes, and stop! Пускай летят поэтому в отчизну. Пускай орут поэтому за нас. (Russian: “And that’s why, let them fly to their homeland. And that’s why, let them shout instead of us.) I think I’ve shouted enough in my life. You too, by the way. 

Oh, really? Look, share it with me too. Rome 11:00… I did not remember it at all. Who plays the man, I don’t remember? Oh, really?! Go ahead, share. Eyes will rest if nothing else. Good man is good. 

If I lied to you that I don’t care at all, would you believe me? What do you want then? It will pass, as if it has a choice. 

Yes, sure. And not just flushing by, for three months at least, right? Sure, and I am not content with anybody less than Massimo Girotti. Well, yeah. 

You’re my precious. Take care. So long.